To Be Changed For Good - The Story of a Life-Changing Friendship

By Jackie White

The song “For Good” from the musical Wicked is one of those songs that for me elicits automatic tears. It hits me in the soul in a sad, but good way. The song is about meeting someone in your life who by the very virtue of them stepping into your life, you  have been changed for the better.

Do you have someone like that in your life? Someone, who found their way to you, and you are no longer the same since you met them. This person helped you to see the world in a different way. Maybe they inspired you to live a better life. Sometimes people walk right into your life and unbeknownst to you, they profoundly affect the way you will look at life or be in life from that time on.
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Those people could be anyone. They could be someone who you have become close to over time or it could be a chance encounter. I believe these people cross our paths with a predestined plan from above. God has sent them to touch our world in such a profound way, we are no longer the same after meeting them. I want to focus on how this can play out in a positve manner, but obviously, some people affect our lives in a negative manner too.

When you look across anyone’s life, it is clear we all have people who have changed us for the good. It could be a teacher, a boss, a relative, a friend or maybe even a complete stranger. Whoever it was they somehow made a significant impact on your life. I’ve read stories of how this can play out. It might be the words a teacher said to a child that made them believe in themselves or as in my case, it was a friend, my best friend, who touched my heart in so many ways. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how much until she was gone.
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Her name was Theresa. I want to tell you about her because she was someone really special, and I think her story can affect you "For Good", too. I met her in high school when we sat next to each other freshman year. We decided we liked each other because we were both weird. She was totally preppy back in High School.  Her flipped up collars, multiple turtlenecks and docksider shoes were classic Theresa. We laughed because she always wore too much blush and although she longed for huge 80’s hair she wore a very conservative bob cut. She was outgoing, kind, smart, resourceful and damn funny. She couldn’t dance, but suggested that if I taught her to dance, she’d teach me to cook. I thought that was an excellent plan!

Theresa taught me that sometimes in life you are dealt a hand that requires you to grow up before you should have to. She taught me that even though your circumstances haven’t offered you the world on a platter, you work hard and can pull yourself up. She taught me how to be a friend. She taught me that being a friend could be more than just hanging out;, it was like having a new part to your family. Theresa taught me the art of sarcasm, and we laughed our way through high school or at least I thought we did.

I thought I knew everything about Therese – I always called her Therese. I knew she could sew; I knew she could play the piano, I knew which boys she liked in high school, I knew she was pretty much not afraid to give anyone shit. She liked Taco John potatoe ole's tater tots and Paisans was her favorite restaurant. I knew she loved vanilla frozen custard with pecans on the top. I knew she didn’t know how to say “I have a headache” in French because when she raised her hand to tell our French teacher that, she instead asked to go to the nurse because she had a “head of shit”! That was funny. That was Therese. I knew she liked listening to the album "The Best of Bread" and loved the musical "Wicked". I knew she was uber responsible.

​I knew all of these things about Therese, but what I didn’t know was that she had depression. No one would have ever guessed. She was an overachiever. She worked several jobs in high school to pay for her glasses and her own braces. She got good grades and made her way successfully thorough college and eventually became a physician’s assistant. From a distance I saw perfection. I saw she was doing life right along the path she had planned, and it was perfect.

 As we became adults, we no longer lived near each other and saw each other infrequently, but she was still that friend that we could just pick up where we left off. We were always laughing and joking. I look back and feel a little deceived and sad that she never really told me what was going on. I know she didn’t mean to be deceitful. It was just something she was struggling with that no one really talked about, but it’s hard not to feel like a false friend because I didn’t notice the pain she was in. Theresa went on to marry and have three beautiful children. She, her husband and kids moved to Colorado and lived in a gorgeous home near the mountains. On the outside, everything looked great. It’s only in retrospect, I can see that life was getting increasingly difficult for her. I am not sure any of us knew just how difficult.

At age 43, Therese took her own life. I was stunned, shocked and wondered how did this happen? She and I were supposed to grow old together and play bingo and crack wise-ass jokes. Instead, she needed to go. She left her family. She left me. She left us all. Those of us she left behind, still are asking “Why”? A fact, I am aware of today is that every 40 seconds, someone is asking ”Why”?

To many of us the thought of suicide is incomprehensible. How do you cut short the potential? How do you not use the gifts God gave you? It’s a dark place to be to in when depression overtakes your soul. I once heard an explanation that illustrates maybe the best how it feels to be in this place. Imagine the house is on fire and the heat is getting so hot that it becomes unbearable. You step to the window and you don’t want to jump because it could kill you, but it’s better than feeling the heat, so you jump. That’s how suicide happens. The pain of existence becomes so unbearable that to die is the only relief. It’s not much solace for those of us who are left to feel the emptiness of the aftermath of suicide, but it does help to explain it.

September is Suicide Awareness Month
Here are the stats:

1 in 5 adults will experience mental illness this year.
It is more prevalent than most of us think it is.
The increase of social media use has contributed to the increase in depression and anxiety.
More than 41,000 people a year in the United States choose to take their lives.
Even though this story’s ending is sad, I know that Therese would want us to focus on the happy. That is the message she has left for us. Theresa’s brief time here on Earth, was ironically filled with life lessons for us all.

Life Lessons That Can Change Us For Good

Live life out loud
Laughter is good for the soul
Sarcasm is an art
Have fun in all that you do
Wearing a lot of blush isn’t a crime
Being a good friend is one of the best things you can be in life
Work hard to achieve your dreams
Learn everything you can
Be thoughtful
Tell people you love them
If dancing isn’t your forte, then try cooking
Be resourceful
Be strong and find a way and when you need help, ask

I don’t want this list of possibilities in life to avoid probably the most important lessons we need to learn:
Mental health issues shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of.
Help stop the stigma of mental health issues and speak up on behalf of those who are affected.
If you are feeling depressed, get help immediately. Reach out to a friend, medical professional or call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
Suicide is never a good idea.
Your life matters.

So, to Therese, I’ll close with this excerpt from the song “For Good”:
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Epilogue

Theresa’s death changed me "For Good". I choose to focus on what good came out of this to me personally:
Theresa showed me what a real friend was. She actually flew across the country to help me out when my step daughter was battling brain cancer. She cleaned my house top to bottom, and I am sure it has never been that clean since. I have to mention her sense of humor again because she was so awesomely sarcastic and witty! She was second to none! She wasn’t afraid to say what others were thinking. She just said it and the rest of us would crack up. She knew God, and she lived her life in accordance to helping others out. Ironically, she wasn’t afraid to really live life out loud. She went for it and achieved much in her short time here on Earth.

​Since she has left, I have forged a great friendship with one of her best friends from childhood.  She and I honor Therese every year by eating at her favorite restaurant and having her favorite ice cream. I’ve become close with Theresa’s family too. I’ve learned that we all don’t always have the chemical make-up to “just be happy”.

​Depression is a real threat and talk of suicide should always be treated as serious. The dialogue in our house has always been very open and honest when discussing mental health issues. That has been very good for my kids as they have been touched by friends having mental health issues. I thank Theresa for all of this and more. When I see her again, I will want to kick her butt for leaving us, but instead will hug her, thank her for being my friend and we will have a laugh together again.