The Nutcase Next Door and Other Scary Stories of Neighbors from Hell. 5 Ways to Live Happily Ever After Anyway

By Jackie White

It is the season of ghosts and goblins, but sometimes we find the scariest of things right next door. What I am talking about is bad neighbors. We have all had them. The neighbor who makes everyone’s life miserable in the neighborhood. These pains in the butt seem to have an affinity for conflict. In fact they enjoy it like a cat and mouse game. So, what can you do to live happily while living next door to Atilla the Hun?

First, you have to know what you are dealing with. There are four not-so-nice neighbor types. They are The Annoying Aggravation, The NutCase, The Control Freak and The Pain in the A**. I have had my share of dealing with all of these good-time crushers, so let me shed some light.

The Four Types of Not-So-Nice Neighbors

Names have NOT been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. 
​The Annoying Aggravation:
These neighbors are flat out annoying. They usually are loud in one form or another. Screaming kids, parents yelling at kids, blasting crappy music or over-the-top entertaining until all hours of the night. We had a family of 5, 6, I don’t know, maybe 8, kids living in a house behind us. There were so many I couldn’t keep track! 

Let me say, I love kids probably more than most, but these kids...ughhhh. They would literally climb the trees next to our yard and then just drop into our backyard. It was as if the Wicked Witch of the West released her flying monkeys on us! These monkeys were LOUD, did I say, LOUD? And obnoxious, forward and undisciplined. I couldn’t keep them wrangled (not that it was my job!)  Where was their parent anyways? Well, one day the mom, apparently the lead flying monkey, frickin’ dropped out of a tree into my backyard too. Who in the world does that? That brings me to the next type of neighbor…

The Nut Case Next Door:
There are many reasons that this type of neighbor could be the way they are. I have had a plethora of them. There was Burnie, the guy who burns everything in his fireplace constantly. Plastic Pam, who covers all the furniture with plastic and her behavior is a little scarily off. Or you could be lucky enough to have a Yeller (you know one that just yells all the time in the street). OH, I see, you haven’t been so fortunate to have to deal with that? It’s a lot of fun. Lucky for us, Shouting Sarah, The Yeller, has since moved and we couldn’t be happier.

The Control Freak a.k.a. The Lawn Lunatic:
His name was Charlie. We knew he was married, but we never saw his wife. Why are there just some people you never see come out of their house? There is always that one person that you know lives there, but you see them about as often as Bigfoot. As for Charlie, maybe his wife was Bigfoot because I am pretty sure that he loved his lawn more than his wife. He babied that grass cutting it diagonally, watering it and keeping it trimmed incessantly. His offense was that he yelled at the kids almost daily to “stay off the grass”. These types feel the need to hyper control all things that belong within their property lines. Stepping on a Control Freak’s lawn can take them over the edge to be sure.
And finally we come to…

The Pain in the A**
These types of neighbors are the all around jerks. They have a problem with everyone and everything. The asshat that I have experience with is known to all the good neighbors as Captain Asshole.There couldn’t be a more appropriate moniker for him, to be sure. Now, this jerk also has a thing about his lawn. What is it with these neighbors and their grass?

When confronted, Captain A was defiant! Oh yes, you can bet your sweet bippy I confronted him! I sarcastically told him that he would yell at someone for having one toe touch one blade of his grass and unflinchingly, he said yep - it was his property, so stay off!! Sometimes there are no words when another is just so rotten. Captain A is also under the impression that he owns the sidewalk, which causes a lot of guff because, uh, people use the sidewalk. He yells at sidewalk walkers and grass infractionators. He is also known to chase children from the area of his home and be passive aggressive with adults. The Pain in the Arse types can encompass many traits of the other nasty neighbors.

Now that you are familiar with these four types of not-so-nice neighbors, here is what you need to do to live your life happily despite their miserable existences.

1. Reasonably confront (don’t accuse the offender) about the issues and talk them out. If this works, there is hope for peace! If this goes south, try the next option for handling the situation...
   
2. Mind your own business. Sometimes when someone irritates us, we will begin to obsess over their behavior. When we do that, we become the Nut Job Next Door!
   
3. Build a fence. It’s true that sometimes good fences make good neighbors! And if you make it tall enough, you might even keep out the flying monkeys!
   
4. Choose to live happily ever after in your own space and avoid that neighbor. You can’t control their behavior, but you can control yours.
   
5. Kill your neighbor...with kindness! Whoa..now, I hope you didn’t think I was advocating for violence! Sometimes, kindness in the face of crabbiness can begin to bring around the neighborly disaster you have been dealing with.
   

You know it and I know it, bad neighbors are a fact of life. You may never affect change in their behavior, but you can still live happily ever after despite them. Go out and show them that you are the bluebird of happiness and they can’t shake your tree!

Hang in there and Shine On!