Making Friends - When You No Longer Are Playing in the Sandbox

By Jackie White

Long gone are the days when you would walk up to someone you don’t know and ask them if they want to play. Kids make it look easy. They meet a kid on the playground and within minutes they claim to be “best friends”. My son is one of these kids. He was always meeting a new best friend and when asked what his new best friend’s name was, he didn’t even know, or even care. He was happy to just have someone to play with. Those were the days.

Why is it so easy for kids to make friends and so impossible for adults? For some reason, even as adults, we turn back into timid teenagers and think things like we will look desperate or strange if we reach out to another person looking for friendship. Ok, so just for right now, let’s drop the teenage fears and look at the facts of why you should take time for yourself to get together with friends or work on making some new friends.

The Facts of Why Friendship Is So Important

Mental and Physical Health
Next to taking care of your body and mind through proper diet and exercise, an 80 year long Harvard study found that connections are the key to living a happier, healthier and longer life. Stress is often reduced when people engage in positive relationships. Also, when secure and reliable friendships have been established, a person’s brain health and memory recall are sharper.

Quality of Life
The quality of life is happier and more meaningful when a person has friendships. Through support, caring and positive conversation, friends can lift you up. Take these interactions up a notch and think about laughing with friends. During these times, cares seem to melt away and joy fills our hearts. These times are truly good for your soul.

Quality of Friendships Matter
There is an important distinction to remember when you are looking at your friendships, and that is the friendships you engage in must impact you positively. That might seem obvious, but sometimes we tolerate “friends” who bring us down or suck the energy out of us. These relationships do not enhance your quality of life. Eliminate or reduce these interactions and replace them with people who bring you up.

Loneliness is Toxic
The facts are that 3 in 5 Americans are lonely. To say it mildly, that’s a lot of people. That also means you are not alone if you feel that way. Those who are more isolated than they want to be are less happy leading to declines in physical and mental health. Circumstances that can be the culprit of loneliness are falling into busy-ness of life and not making time to spend with others or life stage timing that affects a person’s ability to connect with friends and/or make new friends.

How Do You Make a Friend as an Adult?
Now you can see the importance of friendships in your life. You are worth making the effort to surround yourself with people who enhance your life. The question that begs an answer now is how do you go about fostering or finding those friendships?

The first thing you have to get comfortable with is stepping out of your comfort zone. You will have to take some initiative to make new friends and it might be uncomfortable.

1. Say hello and introduce yourself. You might say, this sounds sort of obvious,isn’t it? Well, yes and no. Today, many strangers stand together with their faces purposefully in their phones and not taking the opportunity to address the other person. Be aware if you are slipping into this habit because it will be nearly impossible to meet new people with technology blocking interaction
2. Humor lightens the mood. If you are in a situation where you can lighten the mood or even crack a silly joke, you will engage those around you. Lightning the mood relaxes people and they feel more comfortable speaking to you.
3. Just ask. Have the courage to ask someone if they’d like to go for coffee or a walk sometime. Make sure the activity you invite them to do is a place where you can actually talk and get to know each other. ​​

Ok, so now who do you ask?

1. Who Do You Already Know: Is there someone you are acquainted with and have always thought you’d like to get to know them better? These people are a great place to start because you are already connected in some way.
2. Join a Gym, a Class or Volunteer: People in these places already have a commonality with you and the ability to strike up a conversation can be easier.
3. Networking: Professional business groups are a great way to meet new people and forge connections that might not only benefit you personally, but professionally as well.

​Bottom line: Friendship is important. It impacts our lives in ways that we might not realize. Put yourself out there and benefit from spending time with friends. It will be time you will never regret.

Shine On!