Going through the Big D and I Don’t Mean Dallas...The Smart Woman’s Guide to Getting Through the Divorce Process

By Jackie White

Somewhere in Texas town, a southern woman, married for 20 years, realized that she and her cowboy weren’t going to make it. Maybe it was the late nights he was busy with “work stuff” or his distant presence that didn’t quite feel right. But, it hit her like a punch in the gut when he was seen with an unknown woman. She couldn’t ignore it any longer. She didn’t see it coming, but she found herself going through the Big D and I don’t mean Dallas...

Divorce, no matter how you cut it, is never easy. When people marry, they aren’t planning on it happening to them. Sometimes you can see it coming a mile away or it can blindside you like a strong whack of a 2 x 4 knocking you breathless. The tidal wave of feelings can overtake you as if you are drowning, yet there is no water in sight. How do you get a hold of yourself and find the strength to stand on your own two feet and proceed through this with a clear head?

Help is Here!
What you could use is someone who knows how to manage this process, a divorce expert who can take you through the process. Meet Rhonda Noordyk and Chassidy Camp of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center who specialize in helping women get through divorce. As divorce financial consultants that act as your advocate. They put together a team of professionals such as attorneys, financial advisors and therapists to guide you through each step. During a time when you may feel lost, hopeless or unsure of how to handle this emotionally draining life event, Rhonda and Chassidy have already thought about all the details you may not even have anticipated. Today they have graciously provided us with a road map to navigate the bumps in the road of going through the Big D.

Making The Big D Decision
If you are not the initiator, this is the first place The Big D begins, in your mind and heart. You ask yourself if a divorce is really what you want. How do you make such a decision? Rhonda and Chassidy are the experts in providing you the resources to help you make the right decision. Contact The Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a complimentary discovery call. They will ask you important questions and present important considerations. They also have an assessment to determine where you fall on the Divorce Readiness Scale, otherwise known as the Misery Scale. Hint, if misery is a word you use to describe your life, then some sort of change is needed, it may or may not be a divorce, but change is needed! Finally, you can take their Divorce Planning for Women Course available on https://www.wfwcdivorce.com

Pulling the Trigger on the Big D
If you already know that you want a divorce, Rhonda and Chassidy can put together a team of vetted professionals who can walk alongside with you during this process. Your core team will likely be an attorney, a financial advisor and a therapist. Other possible team members are life coaches, realtors, estate planners or health and wellness consultants to name a few.

The Emotional Highway
To get through the Big D, you will be traveling the Emotional Highway. Hang on! It’s sometimes a bumpy ride, but when you know what to expect, it can make things go a bit smoother. There are 5 emotional stages of divorce. It’s important to acknowledge and be aware of these stages and how you are feeling.

Denial: You may find it difficult to accept that you are going through the divorce process, especially if you are not the initiator of the divorce.This is very normal and expected.
Anger. This stage is felt by both parties in most cases. Blame, finger pointing and dissecting past events tend to explode onto the scene. During this time do your best to keep level-headed to avoid vindictive and hostile decisions made out of feelings of outrage.
Bargaining: This stage can be laced with guilt especially if you are the initiator. If your self-worth is low, you can really lose in this stage because you may be willing to give in and regret it later.
Depression The reality of divorce can result in depression. This stage can be lengthy, but with the help of a trained mental health professional you can work through your feelings and keep you moving forward.
Acceptance Eventually you come to a place of acceptance and peace. You will no longer be consumed by the feelings and you can begin your new life on your terms.

Important Pit Stop:You Are Worth It
It might be tough, but a concept you need to wrap your head around and hold on tight to is that you are worth it. You deserve to live a life of happiness and that mantra should be your marching orders. Have the confidence to face divorce, walk through its fire and find a pathway of peace to your new future life.

The Mindset You Need to Embrace

Because divorce is the un-meshing of two people’s lives that once were close and intertwined, it can be difficult to separate and really go on the defense for yourself. Recognize that women tend to have a hard time letting go, have a deep level of hope, believe in the best in people and sadly, many feel they don’t deserve a fair settlement. These things can prevent you from making smart decisions.

Adopting a mindset that incorporates the following will help you to travel through the Big D with clarity and proficiency.

• A divorce is a business exchange. Don’t let emotion make the decisions on your behalf. Push yourself to make smart business decisions.

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•  Know it is very possible your soon-to-be ex has come to the table with a tight strategy or exit plan. You need to do the same.  

 

• Become a very smart advocate for yourself.

 

• Your attorney is not a therapist and he/she charges by the hour. Utilize them for the legal portion of the divorce, not the mental health aspect.

 

• Be smart financially

 

• Lean on friends or family in this time

 

• Prioritize Self-kindness and care of yourself

Yes, the process is not a walk in the park, but on the other side of the emotional rollercoaster, you will begin the process of recovery.The 4 stages to recovery can be very empowering and can inspire you to begin living the life you have always wanted. Now, that’s a breath of fresh air!

Stabilization - This stage is the time when the initial healing takes place and coping skills are put into place. Leaning on outside support of friends and family is important.. Finally, during this stage you will work to get your life back into order.
Exploration: Once you are stabilized, you may re-examine what went wrong in the marriage so as to avoid making similar future situations. This is also a time to decide who you want to be from now on. Defining what gets you excited and what makes life meaningful for you is an important part so self-discovery.
Experimentation: This stage comes when you aren’t feeling so vulnerable and are willing to try some new things in life.This can be a fun and enjoyable process.
Regaining Confidence As you build upon the 3 earlier stages, you will find your confidence getting stronger with each and every day. You will be settling into your new life with the goal being that you are finding happiness and contentment with where you are.

Whether you are contemplating divorce or you are knee-deep into the process or may have questions post divorce, contact Rhonda and Chassidy for assistance. You can find more information on The Women’s Financial Center at https://www.wfwcdivorce.com

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Shine On!