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Halloween and the Authentic Self: A Curious Twist on an Autumn Fav

10/31/2019

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By Erika Fehrenbach Prell
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Glorious Wisconsin autumn...vibrant colors, warm days with crisp evenings, Octoberfest beers and seasonal ciders on tap at the breweries, apple picking, pumpkin patches with wagon rides, football rivalries, and Halloween as the big finale with the costumes and candy and Halloween festivities. Autumn is the last hurrah before the winter takes over and might be what keeps many of us from abandoning the midwest. Autumn and Halloween have always been one of my favorite times of year for all these things, and, let’s be real, with my birthday one week before Halloween, this autumn fun has been a highlight in many of my birthday celebrations.

And, don’t forget the Halloween costumes! You have the opportunity to be whoever you want for at least that one night. Who doesn’t love to pretend to be someone else? Your favorite sports figure or superhero, your favorite rock star or persona, something fun and creative-the possibilities are endless! One thing holds true for all of us-it’s liberating and fun to be someone else for awhile!

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My brain works in interesting ways, and, as I reflected on Halloween, an interesting correlation came to me. Under the guise of a costume and playing a character, you have the opportunity to act differently than you would usually act, all in the name of taking on your character, right? You may act bolder or more daring, be more outgoing and confident. This made me wonder, could something else be happening here? Does Halloween offer an opportunity to show your authentic self? To act in a way that, deep down, you have always wanted to be? That under the persona of a different character, you can test out these sides in a safe way? YOU don’t REALLY act that way-it was in the name of playing a role!

Let’s take a quick theory sidebar. In psychology, there is mention that we have two selves, our adaptive self and our authentic self. The adaptive self is all about fitting in-changing how you act so that you get along with and fit in with others. On the flip side, the authentic self, or true self, is all about living life according to your values and pursuing your purpose. Both selves are important parts of our personality. The adaptive self is responsible for impulse control and helps us to be an acceptable member of society while the authentic self is the driving force behind all that we do. How we present ourselves to the world is a combination of these two selves, and it’s  a bit like a balancing act.

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Think of an old-school teeter totter, if these awesome relics of childhood still exist. With the teeter totters of my youth, you could manipulate your weight in such a way that your friend couldn’t get down, leaving them stranded until you shifted or they got annoyed and bailed. This is a great way to think of the balancing act between the adaptive self and the authentic self. Humans have evolved as herd animals, meaning, to be with others. The adaptive part of your personality allows you to still express your values, views, and purpose within acceptable group standards; meaning, the adaptive inhibits the impulses of our authentic self so that we are accepted and belong. Adaptation, to some extent, is necessary to not only satisfy your need to belong and be part of a group but also live authentically and in your true self. But, here’s the clincher! In your quest to fit in, your adaptive self can take over and leave your authentic self stuck at the top of the teeter totter waiting to be released. Here’s a quick gut check; if you are feeling inauthentic, meaning that your behavior seems fake or phony or that you are going through the motions, the adaptive self is running the show.
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Why is it important to be in touch with your authentic self? By being someone you are not, you are telling yourself that there is something wrong with who you really are. This can lead to feeling lonely, disconnected, or worthless. When your adaptive self is in charge, it puts you out of touch with the core that is you and leads you away from your core values, purpose, and passion. In contrast, when your authentic self is in charge, any adaptation that you make to fit in is to allow you to more fully live out your values, purpose, and passion. Two important tools to getting back in touch with your authentic self is self-awareness and mindfulness, start by being aware of how you feel when you are participating in your life. 

Okay, maybe this isn’t actively going on during Halloween when you decide to be the Man in the Yellow Hat carrying the baby dressed as Curious George the monkey. But, I am willing to bet that at some point in your life you acted differently than your usual and blamed it on something else...liquid courage, being tired, a life change with a new job, a new haircut. There was a catalyst that allowed you to give yourself permission to act authentically for a brief flash or to reinvent yourself as the person you want to be. That is amazing and exactly what you need to keep doing! This gets you closer to living and being the authentic you, the true you, and this is the key to unlocking your life’s passion, purpose, and dreams.

Shine on!

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Because Sometimes Life Sucks. Brene’ Brown Teaches Us How to Rise Up and Become Resilient.

10/28/2019

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By: Jackie White
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She hung up the phone and just knew something wasn’t right. She had been calling and calling all night long and he wasn’t answering. He did mention he ran into a woman from work on the business trip and she began to wonder if they weren’t together…

Her intuition was right. He was cheating. They had been together for 7 years and were engaged to be married in just 2 short months. She was devastated and couldn’t believe her life was crumbling around her. She was completely blindsided by this. She began to tick down the list of what this new reality meant. He was her best friend and her husband to be and he was gone just like that, as if he had died, but only worse, because he was still here, just not with her. In an instant, her mind had to shift from being a couple in a trusting relationship to self-preservation. How would she keep her house and pay the mortgage by herself? He took the car and she was left without any transportation and to top everything off, she had just been laid off from her job. The situation was gut-wrenchingly depressing and at the very least, not fair.
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She wanted to crumble and hide, but because she had always viewed herself as a strong woman, the notion of falling to pieces was not going to happen. Instead she began to work through the pain and then she decided she would rise.
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That is what you call resilience. Resilience is defined as the ability to cope with whatever life throws at you. How do some people rise in the face of adversity and some completely collapse? According to Brene’ Brown in her book, “Rising Strong”, the answer is “tolerance for discomfort”. What this means is that when something bad happens you must get in touch with your emotions and work through them. Avoiding and withdrawing are not ways to rise up. Brown has three phases of rising that detail how you get through difficult times.
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                                                            The Phases of Rising Strong
1.The Reckoning: When life falls apart, you must first accept the emotions and acknowledge that you are in this. Your next step is critical. You must decide if you will rise or not. Brene’ Brown states that “Hurt happens to everyone and the only decision we have is to write the story or hand the power over to someone else”.  This is where the rubber meets the road. To rise you must notice your feelings and get curious about emotions behind feelings. Your body may physically want to shut down to protect you. You must be aware of how you are thinking and feeling and know that your thoughts, actions and feelings must be addressed. You cannot deny and disengage because you will not rise. Disengagement is not resilience, it’s resistance.
 
2. The Rumble: When you find yourself deep in the falling down, you can feel powerless, but it is what you are telling yourself and others about the pain you are in that makes a difference. Sometimes the stories we tell aren’t necessarily the truth and/or serving us. For example: If your partner cheats and your story becomes that it was about what you did wrong and that you didn’t deserve him/her, then the story hasn’t been thought through enough. Some people get stuck on the initial emotional response to pain and they spiral down into the warped story they have concocted. It’s imperative to take time to think through the events with more perspective and logic rather than emotion. This will be difficult at first, but you must keep working through it.
 
3.The Revolution: We are talking big change here. The rising strong process can lead to transformation in yourself. It might show up in small baby steps but ultimately you will be in a new place on the other side of the pain. This is when we begin to practice the new true story we are living. Because fear and doubt can begin to creep back in and we must manage those emotions appropriately and swiftly if we are going to continue to rise and be resilient.
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Her revolution began when she chose to close the last chapter and begin a new one. On the day she was to be married, she chose to change the story. She decided, he wouldn’t have any power over her anymore. She sent invitations out to the wedding guests to attend her “anti-wedding” party. She took the day she was dreading and turned it into a day of strength and resilience. She went all out and put her energy into making the evening a fun night for all. She had a lopsided garishly decorated wedding cake with a plastic bride holding a shotgun to the groom figure on the top of the cake. She wore a plastic groom around her neck hanging by a noose and she wore a hat that said, “Attitude is Everything”. She faced the embarrassing situation with humor and strength. She got through it. Was it the absolute worst thing that had ever happened to her? Yes, it was but, she walked through the emotions and re-wrote the script. She decided that in order to really live the life she was meant to live, sometimes, it’s necessary to walk through some pain.
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Today that woman looks back and is proud of herself for how she handled so much pain with grace and strength. She knows now that she is far stronger than she ever thought she was. She is brave and resilient. 

​Life isn't always a bed of roses. We will all face adversity, grief, failure and pain, but it is how we respond to it that will make a difference. The decisions made in the hour of our pain can affect the trajectory of our life. So, choose carefully. Choose wisely and you will make through to the other side stronger than you ever thought you would be.
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So, when life starts to suck, you need to know and believe that inside of you there is crazy strength. There is also bravery and courage and wisdom to make the tough choices that will ultimately allow you to rise up and be resilient. The fact is, you are grown enough to stand up for yourself. It’s your choice on how you want your story to go. And as for that woman who survived and thrived through her break-up, she would tell you to not waste another minute and to bravely step forward and reclaim your life! How do I know this? Because, that woman is me.
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Shine On.
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Saving the Life of an Animal Makes All the Difference in the World. Living & Loving Life One Day After Another.

10/24/2019

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By Jackie White
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Today’s Life Story is about Faye Wollaeger, a true pursuer of life in many ways. Faye’s journey to find her passion illustrates how life can go from black and white to technicolor when your purpose is being followed.
Passion and purpose in life can come in any size or shape. For Faye, her purpose showed up at age 10 when she received her first dog. She learned how a pet can be your best friend with no strings attached. She realized how special it is to love a dog and have them love you back. Zeke, was that special pup who began a lifelong love of animals for Faye.

As Faye began to think about what she might want to do with her life, she always wanted to be married, have children and have a house full of animals. She did not consider going into the veterinarian line of work because the only vets she ever knew were men and because of that, she didn’t think at the time, that being a vet was something a woman could be.

Faye pursued a career in hairdressing. She liked it enough. It was creative, fun and she enjoyed interacting with people. It was a natural talent for her. She worked in her hometown and then moved to Minneapolis and began doing hair and makeup for a quirky tv show called "Mystery Science Theater 3000". In that job, she was also given the chance to do some writing for the show. That opened more opportunities for her to relocate to California where she gained employment as a segment producer on a high profile TV show. She enjoyed the work but felt that something was missing. Her career was one that many would love to have, but for Faye she describes this career as “soul-crushing. It was hollow and meaningless to her. It felt that way because she wasn’t following her purpose in life.
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During a time of contemplation, Faye thought perhaps Australia might be a place to clear her head to find her direction in life. She lived there for 6 months and then decided to return to the US and take some college classes. At this time, she was working as a waitress to pay the bills. Life was moving along when she fatefully attended a party one night where she met her future husband, John.

Around that same time, Faye had another fateful meeting. Under her home she found a feral stray cat who just had a litter of kittens. The mother abandoned the kittens and Faye jumped into rescue mode. She took in the kittens and bottle fed them. She had never done anything like this before, but she was good at it. All of the kittens survived. John observed the maternal instinct Faye had and knew she would be an excellent mother. It wasn’t long and they were engaged to be married. Faye also found that these little kittens threw that switch back on in her heart for caring for animals. She remembered. The passion and purpose were always there and now the time was right. It took 18 years after that first spark was ignited by her very first dog, but Faye found her way back. The soul-crushing jobs were no longer an option, she had to follow her heart.
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Faye and John moved back to Faye’s hometown and got married. The ring bearer in the wedding was Faye’s dog, Midge and the vows included a vow to love Faye’s animals too! How fitting! They moved into a house close to the local Humane Society and Faye began to volunteer. Sadly, she realized that the Humane Society had a policy to put down pregnant dogs because it was a lot for an agency like that to take on. Faye stepped in and offered a way to save the mom and the pups. She took the mother dog home with her and cared for her throughout the pregnancy and after. She socialized the puppies and got them ready to be adopted. She also worked with the mom, so that she too could find a forever home. This was a huge win for everybody!

​The Humane Society now would have cute little puppies for adoption, adoptees who were looking for that perfect pet and of course for the dogs were cared for and loved. Faye saved them from certain death and provided them the means to live a good life. They did not suffer any trauma and have been well cared for before adoption.

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Matchmaker
Faye is very adamant that there is a person for every animal. Some animals have certain quirks that could be very negative for one adoptive family but may be a perfect fit for another. She feels it is extremely important to be upfront with an animal’s challenges because the adoptive families can assess right away if the animal will work for them. Faye says her faith in humanity is restored when she matches people to their new pet. She sees that there is always someone for every pet! Everything from a senior dog to a hyper rat terrier, there is a match to be made! By the way, Faye does not have a personal favorite type of dog. She claims to be a “non-denominational” dog lover!

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Short Term Sacrifice for Life
Faye and family are immersed in fostering and caring for animals. They have built separate birthing rooms for caring for the mamas and the puppies. She says the house smells like puppies for about 8 weeks until they are ready to be adopted. There’s poop to be cleaned up and medicine to be given and maybe for the average animal lover, this could be an inconvenience far beyond what they would be willing to put up with, but not for Faye. She sees life for these little pups. It’s a small sacrifice for her to know that she’s saved these puppies and their moms. To date, she has fostered 65 litters and is still counting. Amazing!

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Family
Faye’s dream of getting married, having children and animals has certainly come true. She has been married for 25 years and has 3 boys she is very proud of. She feels that caring for all of these animals over the years has taught her boys how to be compassionate. They have learned that they care for the puppies and then adopt them into deserving homes. They have learned that sometimes life is tough, and a puppy might have medical complications or challenges. Her husband who never even had a pet as a kid, has adapted to his wife’s mission in life. He’s on board and can see her purpose come to life daily. It also doesn’t hurt that he took a vow to care for the animals too!
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Fostering
Faye and family have fostered over 1,500 animals and all of them were adopted! When quantifying what success looks like, this stat would scream over the top success! Even though they have fostered many litters, Faye still enjoys seeing the excitement and enthusiasm of the families who adopt a new dog.
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If you are interested in fostering an animal, knowing that by doing so you are likely to make a difference between life and death for the animal. Faye says you need to take a cue from the animal to see what they need. It’s important to try and figure out their personality so that when a potential adoptive family wants to know about the animal, you can give a good honest profile to the family. It’s also important to teach good behavior and manners to the animals.

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Adopting
What if you are ready to adopt? Faye highly encourages you to seek out your new pet from a rescue group or shelter. Many of these animals have all been thrown away or had to be surrendered. They need a family to love and care for them. Faye adds that going to a breeder doesn’t guarantee that you will have the perfect pet.
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Neutering and Spaying
If Faye is passionate about animals, she is equally as passionate about spaying and neutering pets. Faye has seen firsthand the challenges that are created when litters of puppies and kittens are uncontrolled. It means a deadly fate for some that aren’t lucky enough to be adopted. Faye is currently volunteering for an affordable spay and neuter clinic. She describes her job akin to the coveted baby cuddlers in a hospital. She helps the kittens and pups wake from the procedure. She holds them and cares for them in whatever way is needed. She is thrilled with her position not only because she is doing what she loves, she is working with others who are doing what they love. The power in that is inspiring! That is what living One’s purpose is about. One last note on spay and neutering, do it, it saves lives.
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What Life Has Taught
Faye now knows how valuable it is to trust your instinct and follow your passion and purpose in life. She has learned that life has so much to offer and has found other passions in life too. Faye has found she now has many loves in life including plants, koi fish, thrift shopping, reading, cooking, baking, music and savoring each day. One of her favorite quotes about life is:​ "Life isn’t just one thing after another. It’s the same thing over and over and over again".
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This quote might seem like it doesn’t fit with what Faye subscribes to, but to Faye, it reminds her to mix things up and not get complacent in life. Life is worth living in the light of your purpose. It will motivate you to get up in the morning and inspire you to continue moving forward basking in your passion. As you can see, Faye Wollaeger isn’t your average animal lover. She lives and breathes a purpose so tightly tied to the belief that every animal deserves a chance. She knows what her role is here for these lucky animals that fall into her care.
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Today, her home is open to animals of all shapes and sizes. She currently cares for 7 dogs who came to her sick, disabled or with special needs. Her pack includes a pitbull named Remy who came to her at 5 weeks with a feeding tube after getting hit by a car, Steve the poodle who had a slipped disc and walks with a bit of a wobble, Bravo the Bulldog and Lloyd the robust hairless chihuahua who had a terrible skin problem. She also has a 23 ½ year old blind and deaf cat named Jojo and numerous other species she cares for! These animals and the ones Faye previously has cared for, all felt wanted and loved beyond measure. What a gift to them and to those families of the animals that benefited from the care they received from Faye.

Thank you to Faye for sharing her story of how life can go from being the same thing over and over and over again to living life in full inspiration and purpose!

Shine On!
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When is the Perfect Time to Start Something New? Here’s Your Answer!

10/21/2019

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By Erika Fehrenbach Prell
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It all starts out with the best intentions. You know you need to...lose weight, exercise more, drink more water, volunteer, read...whatever you know deep down you should do or need to do to be the best version of yourself. You start making a plan; you pick a start date. You start your new behavior, and all goes well for a few days and then you stop. You start to beat yourself up but then come to the conclusion it just wasn’t the right time to start! That’s it...phew, off the hook. Or, maybe you never started because you already knew it wasn’t the right time to start..it’s too busy, it’s fall, Mercury is in retrograde. It’s okay, you tell yourself. I know I should do it, and I have a plan, I just need the right time.

Sound familiar? Anyone? Bueller? (Please let there be someone else out there that got that last one and thinks it is as funny as me!)

Truth bomb time! Are you sitting down? This might be hard to take...there will NEVER be the perfect to start something new. 

This is not a free pass to stay where you are; because, remember, if you want something new or different, you have to do something new and different. As Henry Ford so wisely coined, “if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you've always gotten" holds true. I am here to shed a light on possibly the place you get stuck...getting started.
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It’s not entirely your fault on not being able to start. Your brain likes habits and routines; in fact, your brain is designed to create no-brainer reactions to common behaviors to save time and energy so that you can focus on other things. Whenever you try to change one of these no-brainers, it wakes your brain up from automatic to paying attention; this is getting you out of your comfort zone, even with something as small as choosing water to drink at lunch instead of your usual soda. And, because it’s new and different and not part of the usual, your brain resists. Sure, you might go along with it for awhile, mostly due to willpower. But, willpower only lasts for so long. And, if you haven’t put in the proper work on your mindset, your brain will push you back to your no-brainer habits and routines.

And, your brain will help you rationalize it. That little inner voice will chime in with things like, “you are too busy right now”, “the holidays are coming”, “once this season is over it will be the perfect time”, “this will be a great New Year’s resolution”. This makes you feel better about not starting; you will probably fail anyway if it’s not the right time, right?

I get it. You are busy; you have a lot going on. But, ask yourself, will this ever change? Will all these reasons not to start ever go away? I’m willing to bet you will exchange one season of busy for another, which means, you will never get started.
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It’s not entirely your fault on not being able to start. Your brain likes habits and routines; in fact, your brain is designed to create no-brainer reactions to common behaviors to save time and energy so that you can focus on other things. Whenever you try to change one of these no-brainers, it wakes your brain up from automatic to paying attention; this is getting you out of your comfort zone, even with something as small as choosing water to drink at lunch instead of your usual soda. And, because it’s new and different and not part of the usual, your brain resists. Sure, you might go along with it for awhile, mostly due to willpower. But, willpower only lasts for so long. And, if you haven’t put in the proper work on your mindset, your brain will push you back to your no-brainer habits and routines.

And, your brain will help you rationalize it. That little inner voice will chime in with things like, “you are too busy right now”, “the holidays are coming”, “once this season is over it will be the perfect time”, “this will be a great New Year’s resolution”. This makes you feel better about not starting; you will probably fail anyway if it’s not the right time, right?

I get it. You are busy; you have a lot going on. But, ask yourself, will this ever change? Will all these reasons not to start ever go away? I’m willing to bet you will exchange one season of busy for another, which means, you will never get started.
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To further shift your mindset as well as your belief, pick a mantra or affirmation to repeat to yourself multiple times daily that is in alignment with what you are working towards. For example, if your goal is to be healthy, it could be as simple as, “I am a healthy person” or “I am becoming my healthiest self”. Shifting your mindset and belief are critical to the success in changing a behavior. Now, brainstorm any roadblocks that you anticipate getting in your way as well as a strategy to deal with them. The last step is to map out a plan. Give your plan action steps that you can hit; it’s best to start small and work your way up as these changes become your new no-brainers. For example, a baby step to getting healthy is drinking more water. You can start by drinking a glass of water with each meal, then substituting a soda or coffee for a glass of water, then increasing the amount of water to the ultimate goal of half of your body weight daily. Doing this over the course of several weeks is not as much of a shock to the system as stopping all beverages except water and drinking half your body weight daily on day one. Celebrate your progress and success often.  
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I promised the perfect time to start something new. While the perfect time does not exist, the right time does. When is the right time? The right time, my dream chasing friends, is now. Just start. You may never be exactly ready, and, spoiler, you might fail. But, getting started ANYWAY gets your closer to where you want to be than waiting for the perfect time ever will.

Shine On!
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Want to Learn the Secret Sauce to Unlocking Everything You Ever Dreamed Of?

10/17/2019

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By Erika Fehrenbach Prell
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That got your attention! Are you ready for it? Drum roll…
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Mindset! But, not just any mindset, I’m talking abundance over limitations, possibility over impossibility, positivity over negativity, victor over victim. Your mindset is the critical player in the outcomes of your life. And, if motivation and achievement are your goal, you need to abandon the negative, limiting, fixed mindset and harness the positive, abundant, growth mindset.  
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Not sure what I am talking about? In her book “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” author and mindset expert Carol Dweck discusses the key differences between a fixed mindset and growth mindset; these key differences will determine your level of success. These mindsets are polar opposites. The growth mindset has a desire to learn and embrace challenges while a fixed mindset wants to look smart and avoid challenges. The growth mindset persists when faced with obstacles, views effort as the path to mastery and learns from criticism while a fixed mindset gives up quickly when faced with obstacles, views effort as pointless, and ignores negative feedback. A growth mindset person finds lessons and inspiration in the success of others while a fixed mindset person is threatened by the success of others. 

What is the result? The growth mindset believes they can get better with effort. Since failure is embraced as a tool to learn and improve, they try, improve, and put in the extra effort that leads to high levels of achievement. Growth mindset individuals have feelings of free will, or that they can become and accomplish anything with the right amount of time, effort, and work. On the flip side, the fixed mindset believes you either can do something or you can’t, that abilities are inherent, not honed. Since failure is viewed as a limit of their abilities, they stick with things they already know and do not try new things, which leads to early plateaus in skills and achieving less than their full potential. Fixed mindset individuals have a feeling that their achievements are already determined, that they can not change the cards they have been dealt.
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Are you picking up what I’m putting down here?!?

The mindset you subscribe to is the secret sauce to unlocking everything you ever dreamed of!  
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Growth mindset harnesses the power of yet, which gives you a path towards something and focuses on effort, strategy and progress while fixed mindset stresses the right now, which gives a finite path of success or failure and focuses on immediate results. While we may be naturally wired towards one mindset over the other, you can retrain your brain towards the self-serving growth mindset and forgo the self-limiting fixed mindset.
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The key to changing your mindset is self-awareness; notice situations that trigger a fixed mindset. Here are four steps Dweck suggests on her website to change your mindset from fixed to growth:

Step 1: Learn to hear your fixed mindset “voice”

This is the inner critic that speaks negativity to you like, “Are you sure you can do that? or “what is you fail?” when facing a new challenge. When hitting an obstacle, this voice says things like, “If only you had talent,” or “I knew you couldn’t do it.” Once you know you have a fixed mindset for a certain situation, you can anticipate and listen inwardly for this voice.

Step 2: Recognize that you have a choice

You can interpret the inner critic in two ways: either it is right and you have limitations on your talent and ability or it is wrong and you need to step up your effort, change your strategies, and continue to develop. The first is a fixed mindset while the second is a growth mindset. The shift that needs to happen is choosing to move towards growth and out of the fixed mindset.

Step 3: Talk back to the inner critic with a growth mindset voice

Basically, tell that little jerk to sit down and shut up...better yet, watch me try! Seriously, when the inner critic says, “What if you fail-you’ll be a failure”, flip the script to the growth mindset and answer, “Failure is needed to be successful.” Journaling these dialogues can be a helpful way to catch what your inner critic is saying and practice flipping the script.

Step 4: Take the growth mindset action

Once you have detected your inner critic and flipped the script on her, the final step is taking the necessary action that will lead to growth, that will put you on the path to achieving your goal. This could include taking on a new challenge, learning from a setback, persisting despite obstacles, or learning from feedback.
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There are many strategies that can be used to promote a growth mindset. One that Dweck mentions in regards to children and learning is to praise based on effort, not inherent ability. This works for anyone; celebrate the progress you are making! The other is to expand your possibilities through growth-minded questions such as “what mistake did I make that taught me something?” or “what did I learn today?” or “what can I learn from this?” Self-reflection questions determine your focus and influence your reality, and growth mindset questions keep you in the curious, positive, abundant space where dreams are put into action and become your reality. And that, my friends, is the secret sauce to getting everything you ever wanted.

Shine on!
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Decisions and How They Shape Your Destiny

10/14/2019

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By Jackie White
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Some decisions are easy like choosing your favorite flavor of ice cream. Some decisions are more difficult, like deciding whether to take a job in another state. The one thing that is common for all decisions we do make, is that somehow, in some way, they impact our lives.

Now, choosing vanilla ice cream over chocolate is not going to rock your world, but decisions like choosing to take that job in Montana will definitely change the trajectory of your life.
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Some of those bigger decisions we need to make in our life can be exciting and also paralyzing. So, how do you know how to make the best decision? Begin by working through the anatomy of making a decision model.
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The Anatomy of Decision Making
​ 6 Steps to Confident Decision Making

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FOCUS:
Get clear on your outcomes.

What do you really want? Is it more money, adventure, experience, love, family?
ASSESS: Identify your options and assess possible consequences
Make a list of every positive result and negative consequence you can think of if you choose a certain direction. This list should be a brain dump of anything that you might think could impact your life in a positive or negative manner.
EVALUATE: Based on your assessment of possible good outcomes and bad outcomes, evaluate your options. Begin to cross out those on the list that are inconsequential and focus on those that are likely significant outcomes if you choose a certain direction. This is the time to be most logical and not overly-dramatic. You know what I am talking about…
MEDITATE: Many decision-making models leave this step out, but it is likely one of the most powerful tools you have to make the right decision. Take time to quiet your mind, be still, ask the Universe or God for insight on the decision you need to make. Sometimes, you need to let your mind take it in and “get back to you” after a good night’s rest.
DECIDE: Choose the option that makes the most sense and will yield the best outcome for your overall life plan.
ACTION: Just because you have made a decision, doesn’t mean that you have acted on it. Taking action is critical to moving your decision forward and your life forward.
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Push Your Decision Making to the Next Level
If you want to even further enhance your ability to make not just “safe” decisions, but to make significant impactful life decisions that could really propel you forward, then you need to do some up- front work on raising your expectations.

If you raise your expectations and push yourself out of your comfort zone, your decisions will be reflective of that attitude and your desire to want more. Of course, you still have to do the diligence of assessing the opportunities, but also evaluating the risk versus reward equation. This piece of decision making is paramount if living the life of your dreams is really on your agenda.
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Finally, for Gosh Sakes, do not avoid making decisions! Decisions are fueling your life’s direction. Work through the decision-making model and know that you have thoroughly assessed the decision in front of you. Then step out confidently and make/act on that decision! You can do it! Believe me, your life will thank you when you choose to move forward rather than stall out!
​

Shine On!
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You’ve Got to Accentuate the Positive. Choosing to Live a Life of Happiness

10/10/2019

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By Jackie White
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The question today is what is the secret ingredient to a happy life? Johnny Mercer sang about it in 1945 and his message rings true today. You need to “accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative”. One prominent character in literature, Ebenezer Scrooge, epitomized the negative and illustrated the disastrous results of living a life of negativity. Let’s examine the Scrooges of the world for a moment.
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Eliminate the Negative:
Those who are negative people, like Scrooge are described in a multitude of ways: curmudgeons, bears, bellyachers, complainers, crabs, cranks, croakers, crosspatches, fussers, gripers, grouches, grousers, growlers, grumblers, grumps, murmurers, mutterers, sourpusses and whiners!

Seriously! Can you believe the number of descriptors there are just to describe an unhappy person? We have all met those kind of people. They are ornery, negative complainers of life. They generally make people uncomfortable and repel people around them.
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Latch on to the Affirmative:
So, what about people who are happy in life? What do we call them? It is interesting that descriptors for people who are happy in life are few and far between. An optimist is probably the only stand alone word there is to describe a positive person, but isn’t it funny that there is only one word to describe a positive person when there are so many to describe a negative person? Do you think people discount the importance of being a positive happy person? Do they think it’s just fluffy and squishy and really isn’t an important attribute to have?

​But, here’s the secret: it’s the fuel for living a happy life...

It really truly is. If you need more hard evidence, science backs the fact that people who are positive live a much fuller and more fulfilled life than those who choose to see life in a negative light.The optimists are people that attract others. Their positive outlook on life is something most of us appreciate when we are in the company of them. Positive people live a life full of growth, creativity and resilience.
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Don't mess with Mister In-Between:
The importance of being positive in your life is something you should take seriously. Don’t sit on the fence about this. Don’t be indifferent or neutral – that’s not embracing a positive lifestyle. Positivity is something you should lean into.  According to Barbara L. Frederickson in her book “Positivity”, there are six facts about positivity that we should consider:
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1.     Positivity feels good. The feel-good nature of positivity awakens your motivation to change and     
            to want more of feeling this way.
2.     Positivity changes how your mind works: Positivity expands your mind to see the possibilities 
             in life.
3.     Positivity transforms your future: Being in a state of positivity literally can change you 
             physically, psychologically and socially because it brings out the best in you. You react to     
             situations in a more positive manner.
4.     Positivity puts the brakes on negativity: Positivity can calm you, whereas negativity can spike 
            your blood pressure. You will make the best of circumstances and ultimately will become more 
            resilient.
5.     Positivity obeys a tipping point: What this means is that even the smallest change in a positive 
            direction can make a big difference.
6.     You can increase your positivity: You have a choice to be negative or be positive. You can 
            choose positivity and begin to transform your life!
​

Let’s get real, this is not about telling you to be a Pollyanna about all that is negative in the world. That isn’t realistic. Moments of heart-felt positivity don’t last long, but the point is, you can find ways to infuse your life with more of those moments. That’s the key.
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How to Find Yourself on the Sunny Side of the Street
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The following are forms of positivity. You have a variety of options to choose from:

Joy: According to Ingrid Fetell in her book “Joyful”, joy is defined as “an intense momentary experience of positive emotion, one that makes us smile and laugh and feel like we want to jump up and down.” Who doesn’t want more of this in their life?
Gratitude: Gratitude is unbelievably powerful. It opens your heart and inspires you to give thanks or give back to others.
Serenity: Serenity is the feeling of fulfillment and calm as a result of contentment in your life.
Interest: Interest or curiosity of the world is how you keep learning and growing. This expands your horizons and can spark new interests and energy about life.
Hope: Hope is the belief that things can change. It expresses that possibilities exist, and hope can sustain you in rough times.
Pride: Pride is what you feel when you recognize yourself for achieving something. Pride can help foster belief in bigger and better achievements.
Amusement: Amusement and laughter with others builds connections and lighthearted feelings.
Inspiration: Inspiration many times comes from witnessing true human excellence in some form or another. It makes you want to express your best for yourself and others.
Awe: Awe is a feeling of being overcome by greatness on a grand scale. It could be nature or the feeling of a power greater than yourself.
Love: Love encompasses much of the previous forms of positivity. It can be a combination of several of them. The feeling of love pulses in our bodies and changes the inner chemistry of our bodies in many ways.
​

The bottom line here is that you have a choice to live in a positive state of mind. It’s up to you. Choosing to accentuate the positive will change your life in so many positive ways. Isn’t is awesome that a happier and more fulfilling life is just one decision away? So, what do you think? Will you make the choice?

Shine On!


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Take a Deep Breath - Save the Fear Response for a Tiger Chasing You

10/7/2019

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By Erika Fehrenbach Prell
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Fear is way overused these days. Like many reactions in our bodies, fear was designed for a purpose. Back before we had houses and electricity and cars and grocery stores and all the other conveniences of life, fear was literally there to help us survive. You know that “run from the saber tooth tiger” analogy? That is what fear was designed for...to help you survive.

Fear ignites what is commonly referred to as the fight or flight response. This reaction floods your body with adrenaline, which causes a host of bodily responses like increased heart rate, release of fat and sugar stores to give you fuel, and increased brain alertness. What a powerful and useful tool when you are trying to get away from bodily harm and survive! Unfortunately, this response is all or nothing; there is no “it’s just a feral cat not a tiger” response. As we discussed with habits, the brain likes to be automatic. And, when you are dealing with a life or death situation, you can’t waste precious seconds evaluating if you should react. 

Here’s the truth. Our lives today, thankfully, very rarely need this level of response. Unfortunately, we may trigger this mega-response to situations that don’t need it. I’ll be real; spiders used to trigger this response for me. I’m talking screaming and running away, definitely flight on that one. As a side note, I often regretted running away for assistance when the spider would be gone upon return; knowing there is a spider you can’t see is scarier than facing it. Did you catch that lesson? Fear of the unknown is scarier! 

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Here are 5 keys steps to reigning in the fear:

Mindset
Did you know that all fears are learned? You were not born with fear. You were born with the ability to ignite the fight or flight response as that is part of your nervous system, but, what you attach that response to is up to you. This is the first key to overcoming your fear; you are in control of it. Like all habits, you learned it so you can unlearn or modify it. This is so powerful! This is the mindset shift that is key to flip the script from victim to victor.

Discovery
Once you have recognized that a fear exists, the next key to reigning in fear is to understand where it started and what you are really afraid of. The fear response is just that, a response. It is not logical. Ask yourself self-discovery questions to get to the root of when the fear started and the real thing you are afraid of. If you really want to change your reaction from fear to calm, you need to understand the root of what scares you.

Awareness 
Pay attention to when the body signs of fight or flight start showing up. The sooner you recognize this response is triggered, the sooner you can start reigning it in. With time and practice, you can replace the unserving habit of fight or flight with a self-serving habit of calm. 

Reflection
With the exception of running from a tiger and other life-threatening situations, fear does not serve you. Reflecting on how fear is affecting your life in a negative way and how much improved you would feel without the fear is key to shifting your mindset to change the fear.

Choose on your reaction
The last step to reigning in fear is choice. You choose your new mindset and reactions to your fears. Once you understand where your fear comes from and what causes you to react, you can practice a new mindset and plan a new reaction. 

There are different strategies that can be used depending on if this is an expected fear, like public speaking, versus an unexpected fear, like a spider. The best and easiest place to start? Take a calming deep breath to give yourself time to choose your reaction instead of going into automatic. Another idea is Mel Robbins’ 5 second rule where you count backwards from 5 and choose a different reaction. A final simple strategy is to flip the script or reframe the fear from “I am afraid of…” to “I don’t like…” or another more positive phrase.

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My journey from fleeing spiders to squishing them
Let me walk you through how I went from seriously screaming and running away from spiders to usually taking a deep breath and squishing them myself. My son, Liam; he was my wake up call that I needed to stop being so ridiculous about spiders. He started reacting the same way I did to spiders, and, where did he learn that from? Me! Ouch! 

When I looked back to the start of this fear, I realized the exact moment it started. I was a tomboy in dresses as a kid, meaning, I played in the dirt, captured bugs and frogs all the while wearing cute little dresses. I wasn’t afraid of spiders at all! 

It all changed one day when I was playing with my dollhouse in the basement. I put my hand in to grab one of the dolls, and a largish, hairy, spider skittered away. In my mind it was the size of a tarantula but was probably more like a quarter in size. Upon reflection my fear stemmed from something unexpected happening. But, my brain associated this with spiders. So, whenever I would see a spider, it would trigger this ridiculous, over-the-top, fight or flight response. 

After realizing that I was teaching Liam to react this way, I decided to overcome this fear. I anticipate situations where I might see a spider, like going into the storage room, and come prepared to squish with shoes on or a tissue in my pocket. When a spider unexpectedly appears, I take a deep breath then grab the nearest tissue or shoe to squish it. I tell myself frequently I am not afraid of spiders, I just don’t like them.

I get it; this is not a big fear. I use it for two points. One, we all have ridiculous fears like these in our lives that we react over-the-top to. These are actually the simplest fears to change; and, success in conquering a fear gives you confidence and practice to tackle harder fears. Second, when I got to the core of my fear, that it had little to do with spiders and more to do with the unexpected, I could recognize other areas in my life that this fear would start to creep in. This has allowed me to reign in the fear response in other areas of my life.

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I would not be serving you all to my best ability by implying that all people should be able to deal with their fear alone. I am a nurse practitioner and completely am an advocate of times that require medications as well as therapy intervention. There is way too negative of a stigma when it comes to “getting help”, especially with therapy. Want to know a secret? A therapist will help you find the right strategy for you. They help you discover the root and triggers quicker than self-discovery, too. This is an awesome resource to getting on the right track.

Bottom line, all of us can work on controlling fear in our lives. While a little surge of adrenaline can help you when you are stretching your comfort zone, learning to bring that response into check will shift your health and wellness in a positive direction. Slow down, take a deep breath, and save the fight or flight for when the tiger is chasing you.

Shine on!
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The Last Quarter...Time to Tackle Your Goals Before the End of the Year

10/3/2019

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By Jackie White
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Hut Hut Hike! It’s football season and we all know the importance of the fourth quarter. It’s the final 15 minutes.  If you are behind, this is the time to make the moves to win the game. Life is a lot like that. We are in the final quarter of the year and if you had plans to accomplish certain goals before the end of the year, here is your final “15 minutes” to get it done!
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Ok, so you’re not a football fan and you hate this analogy, that’s ok, I think you get what I am saying. The time is now, to make your move on 2019. You can still be accomplished! What’s great about getting yourself motivated now to finish big, is that you will have created momentum to start 2020 big! It’s like a two for one! A Twofer!
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How do you get started? Pull out that list of goals for 2019 and dust it off! If you have lost your list or never really wrote one, that’s ok, just jot down what you wanted to accomplish this year. The best way to do this is to follow the formula for goal achievement success:
1)      Make a decision to commit to working on your chosen goals (without this, you won’t have “skin in the                 game”)
2)      Identify the goal and define what success looks like
3)      Set SMART Goals (write these steps out with each goal):
Specific
Measurable
Actionable

Relevant

Time Limited

4)      Set a positive mindset
5)      Work on your goals daily
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Let’s break all this down and understand what you need to do. You know, kind of like a game plan! Oh no, stop with the football analogies!

Make a Decision
Make a decision to commit to the goals you have chosen. You have the power to change your life with one decision. This is where you need to put a stake in the ground and tell yourself that you are doing this! You can do it and you will do it! Without truly making this commitment, you will not be successful.  

Identify the Goal and Define What Success Looks Like
When identifying a goal, you have to think with the end in mind. Defining the goal helps you focus specifically on what needs to be done and what you want to yield as a result of that goal.  

Set SMART Goals
You have probably heard of this before, but it is a very good tool for making sure you have thought through what it is going to take to work on your goals.
Specific:
Each goal must be specific so that you are really clear what it is you are trying to do.
Measurable:
The goal must be measurable. This means you must be able to assess your progress in a measurable form. Take note to keep tabs on your measurement throughout the process to ensure you are making steady progress.
Actionable:
Actionable goals are goals you can go do now. If you cannot take action on a goal right now, it might be because you have other goals that come before that one that need to be addressed first. Realistic goals are goals you can actually get done. Although we want them to be realistic, they should also push a bit out of our comfort zone. That’s how you grow!
Relevant:
Your goals must work in context of your life. The appropriate goals will be in harmony with your overall life’s objective.
Time Limited:
This means you need to put a timeframe around your goals so that you are making consistent efforts towards your goals daily.

Set a Positive Mindset
This is an important part of the process. You must visualize what you want in a positive light. Having a positive mindset will build your confidence and determination to achieve your goals.

Work on Goals Daily
Goals can be one of those things you write down and then forget about. The unmanaged goals can fall into an abyss and are never to be seen again. Prevent that from happening, by making a habit of reviewing your goals daily and making some progress towards your goals daily.

Game Day Wrap Up
Alrighty then, you see, if you plug in this formula, you will undoubtedly be successful this time around! You still have plenty of time to salvage those goals and the year! You have about 3 months, 13 weeks or 90 days to make a difference! Don’t wait for the 2 minute warning! Since we are beating this sports analogy into the ground, it’s now time for a little cheerleading:

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C – H – E – E – R
you’re the BEST,
​ yes, you are!


For more cheerleading and less, like totally zero, football analogies, join our new goal busting group called START HERE with NO FEAR for NEXT YEAR! This is a FREE group and will help you break through your roadblocks so you can achieve your dreams and goals! Sign up today and let’s do this thing! 
https://lp.constantcontact.com/su/zW3LdTf/starthere
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Here's to knocking out those lost or stalled goals with START HERE with NO FEAR for NEXT YEAR!
​

Shine On!
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    Authors

    ​​​​​​​​​​Jackie White has been writing about life and its ups and downs for many years. With a degree in Industrial Psychology and a life-long student of personal development she is intrigued by how each individual chooses to live their life. Jackie feels strongly that truly living your best life is imperative to attaining peace and fulfillment. SoulShine was borne of her desire to inspire and teach others to live their best life. This is her mission and her dream.

    Erika Fehrenbach Prell is passionate about inspiring and educating, others on their path to complete wellness-mind,body, and soul. This desire led Erika to the helping profession of nursing, and she obtained her Master's Degree as a Nurse Practitioner in 2007. Erika specialized in cardiac surgery, largely influenced by her personal experience with heart disease. While she loved working with this population, her heart's desire has always been to impact lives on a larger scale and from a proactive, not reactive, place. The universe answered when her path crossed with Jackie and SoulShine was born.  Erika finally feels she is walking in her purpose and is excited for this journey to unfold.


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